"You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger."
-Buddha-
Anger is a natural emotion. Unfortunately from a very young age, we are conditioned to label it 'bad.' As a 'Terrible Two Year Old' we are admonished for expressing ourselves in this way. A passionate display of rage as a favorite toy is taken from us is labeled a 'tantrum' and so begins the steady socialization to hide that which is deemed 'unacceptable.'
As adults, the habit of hiding such emotion becomes so ingrained many do not even recognise they are angry! Over time, unexpressed anger starts seething within the body framework. Organs most susceptible to this are the Liver (seat of anger in Chinese Medicine), Gall Bladder (You may have heard the term: "what galls you?"), Kidneys and Bladder (What 'pisses' you off?) and Pancreas - related to 'Sweetness' - or lack thereof - in life. Diseases relating to these organs often have 'anger' or its close cousin 'rage' as the root cause.
I met with a client who appeared perfectly calm and serene. Having recently returned to South Africa after the break-up of her marriage I complimented her on her acceptance of the new situation. As a single mother, raising a daughter with Down Syndrome she honestly thought she held no animosity towards her wealthy ex-husband who had left her for a younger woman and refused to contribute to the continued care of his afflicted daughter. She was struggling materially, but remained convinced she was 'fine'. Beneath her unruffled exterior I sensed such deep seated fury I was amazed items were not flung around the room by the sheer energy of it.
In this instance, Anger was certainly appropriate. Anger was normal. And yet, a mask of social niceness was kept in place with a will of iron. From a metaphysical perspective, this woman was a disease waiting to manifest! Expression of Anger (any emotion) is essential for the continued vitality of the body. To deny natural feelings of anger, animosity, frustration, annoyance or rage is to lock such toxic thoughts and feelings into the body-mind. The danger is the trapped emotions may vent at inopportune moments: Road Rage is just such an inappropriate response to everyday frustrations. Unexpressed anger can explode in a moment.
How is anger 'good'? The sheer energy contained within the emotion is momentous. Anger as a fuel can drive an individual for greater and longer lengths of time. An angry sportsman who is able to focus his anger on his opponent is invincible. An angry housewife could quite possibly complete a month's worth of cleaning in an afternoon!
The individual who is able to recognise and harness the energy of anger has a resource of great potential.
Unfortunately many adults are unable to rise above the 'bad' label of anger. They guiltily mask the emotion in a 'sunny' exterior, staunchly refusing to acknowledge ill feeling. The squashing of such tempestuous energy breeds discontent. Resentment slowly builds, eating away at relationships, undermining the integrity of the relationship through this untruth. The lie by ommission of expression is perhaps the single most toxic ingredient in any relationship: marriage, business colleagues or friendships.
They say 'Hell hath no fury as a woman scorned?' Any form of betrayal can likely unleash a malestrom of emotion in male and females alike. Unexpected Retrenchment? News of an impending divorce? Found your business partner has been helping himself to more than his fair share? These events are guaranteed to unleash an unsettling array of emotions - anger being a very natural part of the adjustment.
To remain fixated in angry turmoil is a choice - and results in embittered rage that can last a lifetime. The alternative is to consciously work through anger to arrive at a point of pure serenity:
- Recognise that you are angry.
- Name (out loud or in written format) all that you are angry about.
- Vent! Take yourself in your car, close all windows and SCREAM all you need to. Punch a pillow. Take a kick-boxing course. It is important to physically release the anger from your cellular memory. Spontaneous tears are a signal trauma has been released.
- Pamper yourself. Massage is a little like 'panel beating' your body. It irons out pockets of stress in your muscle and tissue.
- Focus Forward: Use the experience and lessons gained to better prepare yourself for future events.
- Be Happy! Arrange/ create/ motivate your life according to what pleases you! As you adjust yourself to the lifestyle aligned to your integrity: self fulfilment and happiness are the direct result.
No Revenge is Sweeter than arresting anothers' importance in your life through sublime Happiness.
While admitting one's anger is the first step to understanding the emotions that gave rise to the anger, in the example you gave of the divorced woman, they could be things like betrayal and abandonment. The next step must be forgiveness. The healthiest way one can move on from anger is through forgiveness. The husband will still be a jerk, but she will be free of the negative results of anger, and will have grown in character.
ReplyDeleteAs an aside, Down Syndrome is not an affliction, and the husband should be providing for his child regardless of the child's genetic makeup.
Hi Aidan. You are correct - 'Afflicted' is certainly not the correct word to use to describe a Downs Child - these precious souls bring ways of teaching we never imagined possible - which can be a little more challenging than other children.
ReplyDeleteForgiveness is a series of blogs on its own. People so often believe they need to 'forget' what the other person did to them in order to forgive. True Forgiveness is a gift we can only give ourselves where we can honestly look at the other knowing that we accept them for what they did - and deny any further negative influence they may have on us?