Children are a product of their up-bringing. Concious or unconcious nuances in the words or deeds from their primary care-givers have lasting effects on their sense of self esteem, self worth and sense of belonging in the world.
In giving your child the fundamentals of Love and Nurturance you hold the key to producing a young adult with the means and methods to enjoy a 'Gifted' life.
1. SET BOUNDARIES:
How many of you are doing your utmost to give your child everything YOU didn’t have as a child? Material 'things', any manner of hobby or interest that passes his/her fancy, family vacations to surpass any other...and jeapardize financial security in doing so?
The greatest gift a parent can give a child is the self control to persevere BEYOND instantaneous gratification to the era of self worth and achievement to do something ‘for him/her self.’
Nothing gives a sense of self-satisfaction like achievement after a degree of effort.
2. WORK WITH YOUR CHILD’S STRENGTHS
We all have things that we are ‘good’ at. Things that are easily achievable and give us pleasure in the doing. We all have areas that we are not so good at. Things that we struggle with. Imagine how much better we could do the things we are good at – if we did not ‘waste’ time and effort trying to perfect something that we will never like or enjoy?
A professional in any field spends hours working and perfecting the unique speciality he has. Fine tuning his technique, improving his method until he may be considered 'The Best' in that field. Michael Jordan is ranked before Babe Ruth and Muhammed Ali as the Greatest Sportsman of the 20th Century. He is revered for his 'Slam Dunk' shot - his ability to 'Air jump' as no one before has. Jordan established early in his career what he was good at and worked rigorously to improve on that. It was the mark of his success.
I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.
Michael Jordan
3. PLAY WITH YOUR CHILD
The biggest misconception parents have is that they need take time away from the things they really enjoy to spend quality time with their children. The result is resentment and procrastination in doing this 'chore.' A child does not care what he/she is doing with you – as long as he is doing it with you! Take this opportunity to really PLAY with your child – do what you want to do – just include your child in the experience.
4. SPEAK YOUR CHILD’S LANGUAGE:
Essentially we accept or 'hear' expressions of love in the 'language' we speak it. If we do not perceive we are recieving love, we grow up in the belief that we are not loved. Chapman theorizes there are Five mediums in which love is expressed. We all have a primary and secondary medium in which we understand love. In order to 'feel loved' we need expression of that love in the 'language' or medium we portray love in:
1. Language: Verbal expression of love. "I Love you." said aloud. Verbal expression of appreciation and gratitude: ie: You did that well. You look great. I love that colour on you...
2. Time: The individual needs protracted 'time' with another to feel nurtured. Long and leisurely bathtime, protracted story telling at bed time...
3. Gifting: This individual expresses and receives love through the giving of 'gifts' or tokens: a handful of flowers, a picture drawing, a favorite plaything.
4. Service: Here expressions of service: making a meal, a cup of tea, doing something for another...are means to express love.
5. Touch: Often the primary language of love in males, touch includes hugs, 'rough and tumble' play, kisses, playing with a child's hair etc.
It is important to observe how a child expresses his/herself in appreciation - and thereafter conciously supplement the child's life in open display of affection in that child's 'language of love.'
5. ADHD AND MODERN LIVING
30 Years ago the ‘fax’ was first making its appearance in the business world. Contracts and Communication were undertaken by “post.” Two weeks between communications was acceptable. Television was in its infancy in South Africa and transmitted from 17h00 to 00h00. Thereafter we watched the ‘Test Pattern.'
In our modern world we have internet and email, Instant Messaging, SMS, Mix-it, Skype, Cell phones and 300 odd television channels running 24/7. The average internet surfer will browse a webpage for less than 4 seconds before moving on to the next if it does not capture his interest.
The world has changed. The way a child concentrates has changed. In brain scans of 'Normal' (i.e. traditional learners) the concentration areas 'light up' when the child focusses in a quiet, studious atmosphere. The brain scan of an 'ADHD' individual shows the same level of concentration within a stimulated environment. An ADHD child needs stimulation in order to learn. Attempting to box these children into the traditional learning environment with Ritalin or equivalent pharmaceutical action does not address the modern mode of living. The world is faster. Information moves in nano-seconds. It is the Traditional System that needs changing: not the child.
As Adults - how often do we see each other pacing furiously while on a cell phone? As Adults - how often do we take a call while simultaneously downloading emails and browsing the internet because we are impatient with 'just sitting still.' And yet, children across the globe are medicated (some as young as 4 years old!) because they too cannot 'sit still.'
As parents then - before accepting the notion that your child is 'ADHD' or ADD and will require medication for which the long term affect are unknown...look at an alernative lifestyle:
- Decrease sugars and additives in the diet.
- Decrease consumption of refined flours.
- Decrease exposure to electronic gear: television, computers, cell phones, DVD players.
- Decrease your own frenetic life style: lead by example.
- Increase outdoor activities: sport, play, leisure.
- Increase 'Nothing' time: Every moment of every day does not need to be filled. Take a moment to simply have a moment.
The Adults of the future are created by the parents and child minders of today. You have the opportunity to offer them Gifts our parents had no idea were available to them.
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